2133.344 – INVASION

Live from the Phaethon Pantheon, Phaethon!

The show starts with a black screen.  Suddenly, a bright fire burns in the middle of the screen.  A second later we realize that it is a hand on fire. BISHOP HELL (II) comes into focus. A second later, BURNING MAN ignites next to him.

BISHOP HELL (II): Crossfire.  Many are the nights I have prayed.  Prayed that the universe be freed from the oncoming calamity that it is hurtling towards.  I have prayed that there may be a different solution rather than the one currently facing us.   But there’s no escaping the facts.  Crossfire, you NEED to die in order to bring balance back to this universe.  Burning Man NEEDS to kill you in order to bing balance back to the universe.  If you do not die at the hands of one from Brymstone…the universe will shatter.  So tonight, make it easy for us.  When you and HelSin meet us in the ring, just lie down.  Accept your fate.  Make the sacrifice and save the universe.  We promise, the fire will burn so bright, you won’t feel a thing.

Suddenly, the fires surge and go out.  The screen goes to black.  A moment later we cut to the packed arena for our first match.

Shann-Ra d. She Devil via pinfall after PITFALL – ***** – Great back and forth here in a wonderful opening match.  SHANN-RA picks up the win.  SHE DEVIL looked good but there are rumors saying this is her final year of competition and she’ll probably be retiring from in-ring action by early next year.

DARK MENACE, in a sporty red Pleple shirt with a collar, heads to the ring with VAMPIRE LEGENDS.  He climbs into the ring with them and asks for a mic.  The fans boo him and he ignores them.  Earlier in the week he’d tried to get #300 trending on the InFiNet to celebrate his 300 wins as manager but it failed pretty quickly. His long winded, whining post about it in The_Menace became a much passed around joke online.

DARK MENACE: Throughout the Galaxy, I am known for one thing.  Winning.  That’s what I do.  The Dark Menace WINS!  Hey, Count Necros, what does The Dark Menace do.


DARK MENACE: Coven Black, what does The Dark Menace do?


DARK MENACE: That’s RIGHT! Now I have one question for everyone in attendance…if the DARK MENACE is know for winning….WHY THE F&CK CAN’T VAMPIRE LEGENDS WIN ANY MATCHES OF CONSEQUENCE?!

COVEN BLACK and COUNT NECROS are both taken aback.

DARK MENACE:  You two have been SUCH a disappointment for so very long!  No titles, no wins when it counts! So starting tonight, you two are on deathwatch.  Ironic, I know because…well…you’re undead, but..listen, tonight, you’re on deathwatch.  Starting now, you lose, you can go look for another manager.

COVEN BLACK and COUNT NECROS are not happy about this, but both focus as their opponents head to the ring.

VAMPIRE LEGENDS d. NATIVES OF CASTILEX via pinfall when Coven Black hit Krud with BITE OF THE VAMPIRE – * – The VAMPIRES pick up the win in short, dominating fashion here.  They both eagerly look to DARK MENACE for a approval and he nods his head and then storms away from ringside.

The CROWD goes nuts when DEMON HUNTERS make their way to the ring. BURNING HELL is out next and CROSSFIRE doesn’t wait for the bell as he jumps BURNING MAN the moment he steps into the ring.

DEMON HUNTERS d. BURNING HELL via pinfall when Crossfire took out Burning Man with BOW AND ARROW – * – After the match, CROSSFIRE continued beating BURNING MAN yelling, “YOU CAN’T KILL ME!!”  BISHOP HELL (II) sucker punched HELSIN from behind with a blast of HELLFIRE and then jumped CROSSFIRE!  BURNING MAN recovered and joined BISHOP HELL (II) in hitting CROSSFIRE repeatedly with finishers until THE GUARDIAN and HELSIN stormed the ring and chased them off.  CROSSFIRE did not look good.  Initial reports from RAGLYN and FLAGYL is he’ll be out two cards, minimum.  BURNING MAN and BISHOP HELL (II) smiled wickedly as the left ringside and CROSSFIRE was loaded onto a stretcher.

Eydilon d. Euritar (II) via pinfall after MISTS OF EYDILON – ***1/2 -Very competitive match-up here  EURITAR (II) looked good but EYDILON wore him down to pick up the win.

CASTILEX d. ULTIMATE FIGHTERS via pinfall after Sentinel clobbered Shoot with NIGHTWATCH – ****1/2 – CASTILEX pick up a big win here against the lovable ULTIMATE FIGHTERS.  One would have to imagine that CASTILEX are now in line for a title shot.  Whether they get one or not remains to be seen.

MONOLITH headed to ringside with CATFIGHT.  CATFIGHT carrying a sign, ‘#ENOUGH.’  She marched around the ring to the muted indifference of the crowd.  MONOLITH stood waiting for his opponent, EPOCH.  EPOCH grinned wickedly as he climbed into the ring.

Epoch d. Monolith via DQ when Monolith smashed Epoch with the ring steps – DUD – This one was over in moments as these two brawled each other from the opening bell.  The ref had no control as the action spilled outside and had to call the match when MONOLITH crushed EPOCH with the ring steps.

After the bell, while the ref tended to EPOCH, a GALAXY’S FINEST™ STAFF MEMBER rushed to ringside and whispered something to CATFIGHT.  CATFIGHT let out a yelp of shock and grabbed MONOLITH by the hand and pulled him away from ringside.  What that was about is anyone’s guess.

MEAN STREETS d. GLADIATORS via pinfall when Patch hit Fist with PATCHWORK – ***1/2 – BIG and much needed win for MEAN STREETS here as PATCH and SKIVER put the GLADIATORS in their place.  Obvious by her absence, FHANNA has still not been located.  But perhaps her presence before was a distraction that MEAN STREETS did not need.

MARTIAL LAW shoves the GLADIATORS back down the rankings, doing their job keeping them away from SECURITY SQUAD (II) and they stand tall as we…