2133.349 – CIVIL WAR

Live from Umbriel Sky Dome, Uranus!

27,389 fans are jam packed into the area, a record setting crowd for this venue. Tonight, all the action is focused on tag teams and finding out which team will will face SECURITY SQUAD (II) at BIG BANG.

NITRO is at ringside and he gets huge cheers as he welcomes everybody to CIVIL WAR.

NITRO: Tonight, eight of THE GALAXY’S FINEST™ tag teams will face off in a single elimination, no disqualification, no count out tournament. The winner–

VOICE: Hold it right there greaseball!

DARK MENACE appears at ringside to a shower of boos from the fans.

NITRO: Dark Menace?! What are you doing out there?! I was just about to announce that Commissioner Sly Drury has mandated that, like Betrayal, no one is allowed at ringside.

DARK MENACE: i know that, you don’t think I know that? I know that?

NITRO: Then why are you out here?

DARK MENACE: I’m out here to show the fans this…

DARK MENACE holds up a silver coin that seems to be embossed with what looks like gold.

NITRO: What is that?

DARK MENACE: This is the 2133 Civil War BETTER THAN HUMAN Commemorative Coin! This coin celebrates the victory of BETTER THAN HUMAN in tonight’s tournament.

NITRO: But the tournament hasn’t even been held yet! BEETTER THAN HUMAN hasn’t even wrestled!

DARK MENACE: It doesn’t matter, I have commissioned exactly 1 million of these commemorative coins. Each is sequentially numbered and feature an embossed image of Tharkas and PSI raising their arms in victory. And, of course, there’s an image of me, touching my temple to show how smart I am, on the other side. Both images painted with gold.

NITRO: Wow. Real gold?

DARK MENACE: Of course it’s real gold…paint. I spared no expense! These are available now for the amazing low price of $10,000 units and can be obtained by calling 877896-3609! Do not miss out. Then the second coin comes out…

NITRO: Second coin?!


NITRO: Okay, that’s just enough. Get out of here with your stupid coins!

NITRO kicks DARK MENACE away from the ring area.

DARK MENACE (yelling): You’re gonna wish you had one of these coins! I promise you that much. Did I mention BETTER THAN HUMAN are Incels?!?

NITRO: Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologize. The good news is that if he appears again, he runs the risk of being fired. But for now, it’s time for our first match!

Jangly, bouncy music begins and the fans are on their feet as ULTIMATE FIGHTERS head to the ring doing their trademark arm movements. They even get NITRO to do it along with them. The fans love it.

NITRO: Clinch, Shoot, I gotta ask you. There’s been a lot of rumors that you two may be hanging up your boots.

CLINCH: Whoooooooooaaaaaaaahhh! You know Nitro, me and Shoot, we’ve been rasslin’ here for quite some time. And we’ve had out ups and we’ve had our downs and we’re thinking it may just be time to pack it in and retire to our sheep farms.

SHOOT: Whooooooooooaaaaaaahhh! That is, of course, dependent on how well we do here tonight and we’re planning on doing real, real well!

Their music begins again and the fans clap along as they stomp into the ring, arms flailing! Their opponents, MEAN STREETS head to the ring, not amused in the slightest by the foolishness of ULTIMATE FIGHTERS. It’s time for our first match!

Ultimate Fighters vs. Mean Streets
Patch defeated Clinch with a pinfall after PATCH WORK
Match Rating: 1.00
Match Notes: CLINCH dominated the match from the opening bell but SKIVER and PATCH used quick tags to regain control and keep CLINCH cut off from his partner and pick up the win to advance. Despite the loss, ULTIMATE FIGHTERS get a standing ovation from the crowd in what could possibly be their final match. CLINCH and SHOOT stomp around the ring doing their wild arm gestures to the sheer delight of the crowd before heading to the back.

Castilex vs. Titan Samurai
Sentinel defeated Giant Azuma with a pinfall via NIGHTWATCH
Match Rating: 1.00
Match Notes: Dominant victory here by CASTILEX who are rapidly becoming the odds on favorite in this tournament. And they did it in a completely unique way, destroying GIANT AZUMA! Message sent to the other teams in the tournament loud and clear.

Demon Hunters vs. Gladiators 2133
Crossfire defeated Probation with a pinfall after a flying missile shot
Match Rating: 2.50
Match Notes: WOW! Huge upset here in many people’s eyes! The fans blow the roof off the joint as CROSSFIRE gets the victory! But the DEMON HUNTERS’ underdog victory isn’t the biggest news here. After the bell, PROBATION and FIST get into a huge shoving match!! LEVELER storms ringside and is able to break it up but this is huge folks! FIST leaves the ring solo as PROBATION and LEVELER leave together. This is HUGE!

Better Than Human vs. Predators
Wolf defeated Tharkas with a pinfall after END OF THE HUNT!
Match Rating: 3.00
Match Notes: Some good back and forth here but PREDATORS prove to be too much for BETTER THAN HUMAN to handle! WOLF and LOPE advance! After the bell, PREDATORS leave ringside to rest for their next match and DARK MENACE appears with bags full of his commemorative coins.

NITRO: Well, it looks like the market has crashed on your collectible coins there.

DARK MENACE: But winning. That’s what I do…I win.

NITRO: Well, you didn’t win today.

DARK MENACE: That’s because, well, that’s because it is um…I wasn’t allowed at ringside! If I’d been able to be there you’d have seen some winning!

NITRO: I see. What’s next for BETTER THAN HUMAN?

DARK MENACE: I tell you what’s next for these…losers! They can go find another manager because the DARK MENACE only wants winners!!!!

DARK MENACE begins throwing handfuls of commemorative coins at THARKAS and PSI as the audience laughs at his tantrum. BETTER THAN HUMAN chase the disgraced manager away from the ringside area.

We move now to the second round! MEAN STREETS vs. CASTILEX and fan favorites DEMON HUNTERS vs. PREDATORS. One of these four teams will move on to BIG BANG to challenge for the titles.

Mean Streets vs. Castilex
Sentinel defeated Skiver with a pinfall after NIGHTWATCH
Match Rating: 2.00
Match Notes: MEAN STREETS were in total control the entire match but realized shortly after that na matter what they did to CASTILEX. After the bell, PATCH and SKIVER scurried from the ring making terrified glances back at CASTILEX as they had their hands raised in victory.

Demon Hunters vs. Predators
Wolf defeated Crossfire with a submission with the SAVAGE FACE CLAW
Match Rating: 2.00
Match Notes: Though the match started with a handshake and no rules were broken or even bent, these two teams both wanted to win. LOPE wrestled his most ‘scientific’ match ever, if you can believe that. In the end, the veteran WOLF gets the win sending the PREDATORS into the final round to face CASTILEX!

We cut to back stage and, terrified, PATCH and SKIVER pound on SLY DRURY’S luxury box door. A security guard opens it and MEAN STREETS passes by him and rush to SLY DRURY.

SLY DRURY: What the hell is wrong with you two?

PATCH: Boss, that Castilex team, theres something about them. They aren’t human.

SLY DRURY: That’s not news.

SKIVER: B-b-b-ut, what we m-m-m-ean is, sir, it’s almost as if they are impervious to pain. I m-m-m-mean we couldn’t hurt them!

SLY DRURY: But they’ve lost before.

PATCH: Yes, sir, they’ve lost before but they can’t feel pain. They take no damage. Especially that Moog guy. I hit him with so many finishers and…nothing.

SLY DRURY looks at them as this sinks in. He nods.

SLY DRURY: Okay, get out of here. I need to think.

PATCH and SKIVER slink out of the luxury box as SLY DRURY grinds his teeth together.

Predators vs. Castilex
Lope defeated Sentinel with a pinfall after HOWL OF THE WOLF
Match Rating: 4.00
Match Notes: WOLF and LOPE do it! They topple the, seemingly untoppableable, CASTILEX and will no challenge SECURITY SQUAD (II) at BIG BANG! The fans are going crazy as LOPE and WOLF stood in the center of the ring with their arms raised. CASTILEX shrugged and slowly moved to the back.

All eyes now turn to BIG BANG on Deimos! Will PREDATORS dethrone SECURITY SQUAD (II)? That’s the questions of everyone’s minds as we…